Father Daughter Dance
by Erin T. Aardvark
Summary: Lady Baden-Baden's latest social event is a Father Daughter Dance, which brings to mind a painful secret Sophia's hiding about her own father.
1. Saved!

_AUTHOR'S NOTE: I delve into a bit of Sophia's practically nonexistent background in this particular story. Needless to say, it's not canon. On that note, I'd like to mention some brief OC appearances in this story, to avoid confusion. Sophia's mother and sisters are OC's, as well as Melissa's parents (and Melissa's maiden name is something I came up with. It's not canon), and Lady Baden-Baden's niece is an OC as well._

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

The loud metallic noise was giving Cyril a splitting headache. His granddaughter, Evelyn, was at it again, banging pots and pans together in the kitchen. Cyril's four-year-old grandson, Forest, used to do the same thing when he was Evelyn's age. Cyril hated it then, and he probably would go on hating it, if Cedric and Sophia had more kids, which Cyril was secretly hoping they wouldn't. Two grandchildren were enough.

Cyril finally couldn't take anymore. He got up, and went into the kitchen. The Pigs, who were supposed to be watching the kids, were sitting at the kitchen table with Forest, drawing pictures with crayons.

"Hi, Gampa!" Forest shouted.

"Yeah, hi," Cyril grumbled, and he yanked the wooden spoon Evelyn was using for a drumstick out of her hand. Evelyn burst into tears.

"Now don't you start that," Cyril said, picking her up. "I'm trying to get some work done here, and I don't need any more noise! Pigs!"

No answer. The Pigs just continued coloring. Cyril was not pleased at this. He hated it when his employees ignored him.

"PIGS!" he screamed at the top of his voice, right behind Lloyd.

"They can't hear you, Gampa," Forest said, picking up a crayon. "They put cotton in their ears when Evelyn started drumming."

"You stupid swine," Cyril mumbled at the Pigs. Then he took Evelyn out of the room and went back to his office. Boyd took a cotton ball out of one of his ears and looked around.

"Was someone calling us?" he asked.

Cyril sat down in his chair with the baby on his lap and sighed.

"Your mother or your father had better get back here soon," he grumbled. "I can't take much more of you kids banging those darn pots and pans together."

Evelyn babbled something in baby talk, and smacked her hands on Cyril's desk. Cyril groaned.

"Why do you kids have to like anything that makes noise?" he asked.

"Hi, Pop," Cedric said, coming into the room. Cedric took Evelyn from his father, and gave her a kiss. "Hi, Evelyn."

"You talk to her as if she's gonna answer you, Cedric," Cyril said. "You know she can't talk yet. About time you got back. What took you so long?"

"Lady Baden-Baden came by the cafe and started talking about her latest social event," Cedric said.

"Wonderful," Cyril said, sarcastically. "And just what am I going to have to be roped into doing now?"

"Actually, you're off the hook, Pop. Lady Baden-Baden was talking about a Father-Daughter dance."

Cyril looked up at Cedric, a bit shocked.

"Run that by me again," he said.

"Lady Baden-Baden wants to do a Father-Daughter dance," Cedric repeated.

"That's what I thought you said. Good. The less I have to do at one of Lady Baden-Baden's get togethers, the better! Now that you're back, Cedric, let's get some work done!"

"Sure, Pop."

Cedric sat down at the table and began to go through the accounts. He had Evelyn on his lap, and he gave her a pen and a blank piece of paper to scribble on. That would keep her busy for a little while, at least until he got a chance to take a break. When Cyril wanted to get his work done, he wanted it to get done right away, baby or no baby. After a few moments, the phone rang.

"Hello?" he asked. Then he paused for a moment. "Just a second. Cedric, get Sofa Girl in here."

"Sure, Pop," Cedric said, getting up. He returned a few minutes later with Sophia behind him. Cyril handed her the phone.

"Try not to take all day with it," he grumbled.

"Hello?" Sophia said, ignoring Cyril. "Mom! Hi! Oh it's the same old same old over here. Uh huh. Cedric and the kids are fine. Well . . . . oh, gosh, Mom, I'm not sure. Well, Mr. Sneer can be pretty . . . . uhhh . . . . well, he's right here in the room, Mom, but I don't think he would . . . . okay, hang on a second. Mr. Sneer?"

"What?" Cyril asked, sounding impatient.

"Well, my mother wants to know if it's okay with you if she and my sisters drop over," Sophia said.

"Your mother and your sisters. How many?"

"Just two. One older sister and one younger sister. Mom wants to see the kids, and my sisters are dying to meet them, and Cedric."

"All right. Just speed it up with this phone call, will you?!"

"Thanks," Sophia said, and she went back to the phone. "Okay, Mom, it's all set. Okay. See you tomorrow. Bye."

Sophia hung up the phone and left the office. Cyril sighed, and began looking for the newspaper.

"You've met Sofa Girl's mother," he said. "What am I in for, Cedric?"

"I don't know, Pop," Cedric said. "I mean, what I think of her might not be exactly what you think of her. But in any case, I think she's a nice lady."

"What do you know about her sisters?"

"I've never met them before. But Sophia talks about them all the time. She told me her older sister is a certified genius."

"I find that a bit hard to believe, considering the last time I checked in between Sofa Girl's ears, there was a sign in there that said This Space For Rent."

"Pop!"

"Just a little joke, son."

"Well, anyway, she also told me her younger sister is into sports. Way into sports. She's captain of her local baseball team."

Cyril nodded, and said nothing more. Then he and Cedric went back to work.


	2. Family Reunion

The doorbell of the Sneer Mansion rang at around eleven thirty the next morning. Sophia raced down the stairs, and answered it. Standing there were three female aardvarks. All three of them had dark blue hair, and blue eyes, but one's hair was short, cut in a pageboy style, and she wore thick, horned-rimmed glasses. She also wore a white blouse under a yellow sweater, a gray pleated skirt, white knee socks, and brown loafers. The other young aardvark had her hair held in a ponytail, with a few strands coming loose. She also wore a dark pink baseball uniform, and baseball cleats, and she was chewing bubblegum and blowing bubbles with it. The third was an older aardvark. Her hair was chin length, and she wore a dark blue shirt and black pants.

"Hi, Mom!" Sophia shouted once she saw them.

"Hello, Sophie!" Sophia's mother, Loretta, shouted, giving her a hug. Then Sophia turned to her sisters.

"Hi, Myrna, hi, Stephanie," she said.

"Salutations, younger sister," Myrna said, promptly opening the big textbook she was carrying.

"Give the book a rest, Myrna," Stephanie groaned, rolling her eyes. "And speak in English, for once! Hiya, Big Sis."

"Come on in," Sophia said, stepping back.

"Thank you, dear," Loretta said. "I can't believe it's been four years since you and Cedric got married and I still haven't been over here!"

"Gramma, Gramma!" Forest shouted, suddenly racing into the room. Loretta grabbed her grandson, and swept him up in a big hug.

"Hello, Forest!" she shouted. "Oooh, you're getting so big!"

"Hi, Mrs. Tutu," Cedric said, coming into the room. He was carrying Evelyn.

"Cedric, sweetie, don't be so formal!" Loretta shouted. "I'm your mother-in-law! There's absolutely no need to be so formal with me!"

"Sorry, Mrs . . . . I mean, Loretta," Cedric said. "It's just that Sophia's always calling my pop Mr. Sneer, so I figured . . . ."

"You still call your father-in-law Mr. Sneer?" Loretta asked, looking at her daughter.

"I've told you about him, Mom," Sophia shrugged. "I don't have the nerve to call him anything else."

"Besides, I don't think Pop would let her call him Cyril anyway," Cedric replied. "But enough about that."

"You're right," Loretta said. "I'm here to see my granddaughter in person. I know you two have sent me plenty of pictures."

Loretta took Evelyn from Cedric, and began doting over her. Forest ran over to his grandmother and watched. That gave Sophia a chance to introduce Cedric to her sisters.

"Cedric, I'd like you to meet my sisters, Myrna and Stephanie," she said.

"Hi," Cedric replied, shaking Stephanie's hand.

"Hiya, Cedric," Stephanie said.

"It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Cedric," Myrna said.

"Come on," Sophia said. "I'll introduce you to the kids. Forest, can you come here, please?"

"Okay, Mommy," Forest said, running over to Sophia.

"Forest, I'd like you to meet my sisters," Sophia said. "Your aunts, Myrna and Stephanie."

"Aunt Myrna has glasses that are thicker than Daddy's!" Forest shouted.

"Oh Forest!" Sophia groaned. "Sorry, Myrna."

Myrna just shrugged, and went back to her book. By that time, Cyril came into the room, looking a bit agitated.

"Can't a man get any work done here?!" he yelled.

"Sorry, Mr. Sneer," Sophia said, shrugging.

"So I take it these two are your sisters," Cyril said.

"Right," Sophia said. "Myrna, Stephanie, this is my father-in-law, Cyril Sneer. Mr. Sneer, these are Myrna and Stephanie."

"Myrna?" Cyril repeated.

"It was our great-grandmother's name," Stephanie explained. It was obvious Myrna wasn't going to answer any questions, not with her nose buried in that book.

"So this is the infamous Cyril Sneer," Loretta said, coming over. "Sophie's told me so much about you."

"I hate to think of what she said," Cyril replied, giving Sophia a Look. "But don't tell me what she said, I don't think I want to know."

"Mr. Sneer, I'd like you to meet my mother, Loretta," Sophia said.

"Charmed, Mr. Sneer," Loretta replied.

"Yeah, right, sure," Cyril said. "Cedric, make this quick. I need you in the vault."

"Sure, Pop," Cedric said. "Well, it was nice meeting you and Myrna, Stephanie. And it was nice seeing you again, Mrs . . . . I mean, Loretta."

And with that, Cedric left the room. Forest looked up at Stephanie.

"Aunt Steffie, do you play baseball?" he asked.

"Sure do!" Stephanie shouted. "Want me to show you what I can do?"

"Yeah!" Forest shouted.

"Not in the house," Cyril said. "If you two are going to play ball, do it outside."

"Okay, Gampa," Forest said, taking Stephanie's hand. "Come on, Aunt Steffie! Let's play!"

Stephanie laughed, and she and Forest went outside. Cyril sighed, and glanced over at Myrna.

"What are you reading, anyway?" he asked. Myrna didn't answer. "What is she, deaf or something?"

"No, Myrna just doesn't talk much," Loretta explained. "And don't even try to talk to her when she's reading. You'll never get anywhere."

"With that in mind, Mr. Sneer, don't talk to Myrna, period," Sophia said. "She uses big words. All the time."

"I'll keep that in mind," Cyril replied.

"Sophie tells me you're a big business man, Mr. Sneer," Loretta said, giving Evelyn to Sophia for the moment.

And with that, Cyril and Loretta left the room deep in conversation about Sneer Enterprises. Myrna looked at her sister, and shut her book.

"Haven't you told Cedric about Father?" she asked.

"I'd rather not," Sophia said.

"Well, you're going to have to tell them sooner or later, you know. You can't keep it a secret forever."

"Myrna, please! I don't want to talk about it."

"You're still angry about it, aren't you? Sophia, it's been almost fifteen years. Don't you think it's time you let it go?"

"Myrna, please, just stop. I told you I don't want to talk about it."

"I thought it'd be Stephanie holding a grudge instead of you. I really did."

"Myrna!"

"Okay, okay, I'll keep my mouth shut. Just point me in the direction of the library. I've got to check out those books Mr. Sneer has."

"Follow me."

Sophia then led her sister to the Sneer library, and let her get lost in the books in there. Then she went upstairs and went into the bedroom. She sat down on the bed, and sighed. She was keeping a secret, and she did not want Cedric, Cyril, or anyone to know about it.


	3. Secrets

The next day, Cedric, Bert, Ralph, and Melissa went to Lady Baden-Baden's for a meeting about the Father-Daughter Dance idea Lady Baden-Baden had.

"I'm not sure if this Father-Daughter Dance thing is a good idea, Lady Baden-Baden," Ralph said. "It kind of excludes a lot of us. Like me for example."

"Oh Ralph, I had an absolutely marvelous idea for the dance," Lady Baden-Baden said. "Knoxy wanted to take part in the dance, so I invited my little niece to the forest, and I've decided to throw in a special Uncle-Niece dance."

"Right, Ralph," Melissa said. "You'll get to share a dance with Lisa."

"Guess that lets me off the hook," Bert said.

"No, it doesn't," Melissa said. "You're going to have to come to the dance, too."

"Huh?! Why?!" Bert shouted, staring at Melissa.

"The Standard's going to cover this thing, remember?"

"But . . . . but Sophia's the social columnist! Why can't _she_ cover it?!"

"Because she'll probably be out on the dance floor all night with her father," Cedric replied.

"And you agreed, Bert, that if Sophia can't do the social column, then you'd do it," Ralph pointed out. "And besides, you're going to take part in the special Uncle-Niece dance."

"But I'm not an uncle!" Bert shouted.

"Not traditionally," Cedric said. "But technically, you are. Don't you remember? You always refer to yourself as 'Uncle Bert' to Forest and Evelyn. And I'm bringing Evelyn to the dance."

"Cedric, Evelyn's just a baby," Bert said. "She can't dance!"

"That doesn't matter, Bert," Melissa said. "Cedric's a father, and he has a daughter. Besides, I think it's sweet."

"Aw, come on!" Bert groaned. "Can't we do something else?"

"Well," Melissa said, thoughtfully. "We could always hold another bachelor auction."

"Okay, okay, okay, I'll go," Bert said. Then he groaned. "Sheesh. Why do these things always happen to me?"

The meeting was adjourned, and the group left. Cedric went back to the Sneer Mansion and found Sophia sitting at the typewriter.

"Hi," he said. "What are you working on?"

"Just an idea I'm going to run by Ralph in addition to the social column," Sophia replied, not looking up from her typewriter. "I thought I might start an advice column like Bert's, except geared more towards household hints."

"That might be interesting. Oh, by the way, we've decided a theme for Lady Baden-Baden's latest social event, but Bert might cover it."

"Okay, why is that?"

"You might be on the dance floor all night. Lady Baden-Baden wants to hold a Father-Daughter dance. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I'd love to meet your father."

"Oh."

That was all Sophia said, and she went back to typing. Cedric was a little taken aback.

"Aren't you going to tell me about your father?" he asked.

"There's not that much to tell," Sophia replied. "My father used to work in retail, and he watched every single televised sporting event known to man."

And with that, Sophia picked up her typewriter and left the room. Cedric was a little surprised. He just stood there for a moment or so when Cyril walked in.

"Now what?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing Pop," Cedric said with a shrug. "Sophia told me a little about her father, and dropped it. I wonder why?"

"Beats me. I don't know what goes on in that empty head of hers, I really don't."

Cedric shrugged and went to go get Evelyn. He had some practicing to do for the dance.

Elsewhere, the Pigs were hard at work in the vault. Lloyd was on the phone with a business man named Marshall Hogwash. Cyril had been trying to do business with him for years.

"Yes, sir," Lloyd said. "Absolutely, Mr. Hogwash! Yes, Sneer Enterprises is the perfect choice for you! Yes, okay. All right, will do. Absolutely. Okay. I'll be sure to tell Mr. Sneer. All right. Thank you, sir. Bye."

"What was that all about?" Cyril asked, coming into the room.

"We were on the phone with Marshall Hogwash, boss," Lloyd said. "We got you a contract with him."

"What?!" Cyril shouted. "How in the world did the three of _you_ get a contract with Marshall Hogwash when I couldn't?!"

"Well, he knows our mom," Boyd said. "They went to the junior prom together."

"I called him, and asked him if he remembered her," Lloyd said. "And he's coming over here tomorrow night for dinner, and then he'll talk business with you."

"And what about your mother?" Cyril asked. "I hope he's not expecting her."

"Oh no, sir," Floyd said. "We told him Mom wasn't going to be here, but he wants to meet you in person before he signs any contracts."

"Remind me to give you boys a raise one of these days," Cyril said, and he left the office.

"I wish he'd stop saying that and give us the raise already," Lloyd grumbled.

Cyril went upstairs and found Cedric in the den, playing a slow song on the stereo and swaying back and forth with Evelyn. Cyril turned off the stereo and looked at him.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Oh, hi, Pop," Cedric said. "We're just practicing for Lady Baden-Baden's Father-Daughter dance."

"Don't make any plans for tomorrow night. I've got Marshall Hogwash coming over for dinner tomorrow night, and I need everyone present and accounted for."

"Check, Pop."

Cyril nodded, and Cedric went back to practicing for the dance. Cyril wondered why in the world he was bothering, considering Evelyn couldn't even walk, let alone dance. In anycase, Cyril went back downstairs, and into the kitchen. He grabbed a step stool, reached up to a high shelf, opened a metal tin, and took out a key. Then he climbed off the step stool, walked over to a cabinet, unlocked it, and opened it. Inside were bottles and bottles of all kinds of drinks, all alcohol related. Wines, beers, champagnes, gin, rum, brandy, liqueurs. It would appear that Cyril was quite a connoisseur. He pulled out a bottle of red wine, vintage 1980, and looked it over.

"Hmmm," he said, thoughtfully. "Nineteen eighty. This has probably aged pretty well. Wonder if there's any truth to the matter wine gets better with age?"

Cyril got a glass out from another cabinet, opened the wine, and poured some into it. He sniffed it for a moment.

"Not bad, not bad," he said. Then he took a sip, and swallowed. "Hmm. Not bad at all. Not good, either, but not bad."

Cyril took another sip, still trying to decide whether or not this wine was appropriate for the following night. He was unaware that he was being watched. Sophia was on her way out to the Raccoondominium to run her parenting column idea to Ralph when she passed the kitchen and saw Cyril. She stopped short and just stared at him for awhile.

"No good, no good," he said, once he finished his glass of wine. "What else do I have in here?"

Cyril went back to his liquor cabinet, and pulled out a bottle of Chardonnay. He opened it, poured himself a glass, sniffed it, and took a sip. Then he nodded.

"Ah ha!" he shouted. "This is perfect. Better tell the bears to whip up something for dinner tomorrow that will go well with this."

Cyril closed the bottle, and stuck it in the back of the refrigerator, and hid it behind some of the other items in there. That way, he'd be sure Forest wouldn't get into it. That was also why he kept his liquor cabinet locked, and he kept the key on top of the cabinets in the kitchen. Even with the step stool, Forest couldn't possibly reach it. Once Cyril locked up his booze and put the key back, he took his glass of Chardonnay and started to leave the kitchen, when he saw Sophia standing there, staring at him as if he had sprouted a second nose.

"What's the matter with you?" he asked. "Haven't you ever seen a man enjoy a glass of wine before?"

"More times than I care to remember," Sophia muttered under her breath.

"What?!"

"Oh, nothing. Never mind."

"Well, anyway, I'm expecting someone important for dinner tomorrow night, so don't make any plans. I might need both you and Cedric here."

"Yes, Mr. Sneer."

And with that, Sophia left, pretty quickly. Cyril watched her go, and shook his head.

"That girl is one brick shy of a full load," he said, taking another sip of his wine.


	4. Hogwash Wine

The next morning, Sophia found Cedric in the playroom with both of the kids. They were rolling a ball across the floor to one another. It was about the only game Evelyn could play.

"Cedric, can I talk to you?" Sophia asked, sounding a little nervous. "Alone?"

"Sure, Sophia," Cedric said, standing up. "I'll be right back, Forest. Do me a favor and keep an eye on your sister for me, okay?"

"Okay, Daddy," Forest said, rolling the ball to Evelyn. Evelyn squealed happily and rolled it back to Forest.

Cedric and Sophia stepped out into the hallway, well away from the playroom so the kids wouldn't hear their conversation.

"Cedric, did you know your father has a liquor cabinet?" she asked.

"Yep," Cedric replied, nodding. "But he keeps it locked most of the time, though. Even before Forest was born. He'll open it occasionally, but most of the time, he prefers to relax with his cigars, though sometimes, he'll have some brandy with them. But he doesn't drink very often. He doesn't even let me into the cabinet. He's never told me where the key is."

"Oh."

"You seem a little tense about the subject, Sophia. Is everything okay?"

"Oh, no, I just saw your father yesterday and I saw the liquor cabinet, I mean . . . I didn't even know we had one, that's all."

"Oh."

Sophia left just then. Cedric shrugged, and went back to the playroom. Later, Sophia went over to the Standard to run that column idea by Ralph. She didn't get the chance to do it the day before. Melissa was over there as well, going through some photos she had just developed. There were two older raccoons with her.

"Hi, Ralph, hi, Melissa," Sophia said, coming in. "I meant to run this by yesterday, but I got sidetracked by something. I thought it would make an interesting column for the paper."

"Thanks, Sophia," Ralph said. "I'll take a look at it a little later."

"Oh, Sophia, while you're here," Melissa said. "I'd like you to meet my parents, Chuck and Roberta Ringtail. They're in town for Lady Baden-Baden's dance on Saturday. Mom, Dad, this is my friend, Sophia."

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Ringtail," Sophia said. "Nice to meet you."

"What's this nice to meet you stuff?" Chuck asked, coming over. "Don't tell me you don't remember us!"

"I'm sorry," Sophia said, not knowing what Melissa's father was getting at.

"Now unless I'm mistaken," Chuck went on. "You're little Sophie Tutu, aren't you?"

"Sophie?" Ralph asked. "I thought you didn't like to be called Sophie."

"People called me that all the time when I was younger," Sophia said. "But I prefer Sophia."

"Oh yes, I remember now," Roberta said. "You're Nathan Tutu's little girl, aren't you?"

"I'm one of them," Sophia said. "There's three of us all together."

"Three, eh?" Chuck asked. "Last time we saw Nathan and Loretta, they only had two girls."

"Hey, Sophia, how do you know my parents?" Melissa asked.

"Well, I don't really," Sophia said, shrugging. "I'm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Ringtail, but I don't remember you."

"Well, you were only a baby when we met," Chuck replied. "Roberta was pregnant with Lissie at the time. Your father and I were old high school friends."

"I didn't know that," Sophia said.

"I didn't, either," Melissa said.

"Well, we didn't expect you to, honey," Roberta said to her daughter. "Your father got a new job here in the Evergreen Forest and we moved here right before you were born."

"So tell us, Sophie," Chuck said. "How's Nathan, anyway?"

"Oh, well . . . ." Sophia said, hesitating. Luckily, the phone rang before Sophia could go on.

"Evergreen Standard," Ralph said. "Ralph speaking. Uh huh . . . . uh huh. Okay. I'll tell her. Bye."

"Who was it?" Melissa asked.

"Cyril," Ralph replied. "He wanted to know if Sophia was here. He wants you back at the mansion, Sophia. Stat."

"Well, I'd better get going," Sophia said. "Nice seeing you, Mr. and Mrs. Ringtail."

"Same here," Chuck said. "We'll probably see Nathan Saturday anyway. You know, at the dance."

"Yeah, right, whatever," Sophia said. Then she left. Ralph and Melissa glanced at each other. They found that a little odd.

Sophia made it back to the Sneer Mansion about five minutes later. Cyril didn't look to thrilled.

"What took you so long?" he asked.

"Sorry," Sophia said with a shrug. "I had to run my new column idea by Ralph."

"Excuses, excuses," Cyril grumbled. "Come on. We've got work to do before Hogwash gets here! Even though those porkers got me the deal, I'm not taking chances!"

Sophia shrugged, and went inside. Cyril put both her and Cedric to work cleaning the mansion along with the bears and the Pigs. They had to finish before six.

"You'd think the boss would be a little more appreciative," Lloyd said. "After all, _we're _ the ones who got this guy to come over here!"

"You know Pop," Cedric said with a shrug.

At six o' clock sharp, the doorbell rang, and Boyd answered it. Standing there was a large pig in a business suit, carrying a box under his arm, accompanied by a female pig (who was also a bit on the pudgy side).

"How do you do?" the male said. "I'm Marshall Hogwash, and this is my wife, Willamena. I believe I have a dinner meeting with Mr. Sneer."

"You sure do," Boyd said, taking Mr. and Mrs. Hogwash's coats. "Come on in. Mr. Sneer has been expecting you."

Boyd led Mr. and Mrs. Hogwash into the dining room where Cyril, Cedric, Sophia, and the kids were sitting waiting for dinner to start. When they walked in, Cyril stood up, and walked over to Mr. Hogwash.

"Mr. Hogwash, I presume," he said.

"And you must be Mr. Sneer," Mr. Hogwash said, shaking Cyril's hand. "Allow me to introduce to you my charming wife, Willamena."

"It's a pleasure, Mr. Sneer," Mrs. Hogwash said. Then she saw Cedric, Sophia, and the kids. "And is this your family, Mr. Sneer?"

"Yes it is," Cyril said. "My son, his wife, and their kids."

"I'm Cedric," Cedric replied, shaking Mrs. Hogwash's hand. "Pleased to meet you. This is Sophia, and these are our kids, Forest, and Evelyn."

"A pleasure, a genuine pleasure," Mr. Hogwash said. "Fine looking children you have here, Cedric."

"Wow, you're the biggest pig I ever sawed!" Forest shouted. "You're really fat!"

Cedric laughed nervously, and covered Forest's mouth with his hand.

"Excuse my grandson," Cyril said. "He's only four. We're still working on his manners."

"Quite all right, Sneer, quite all right," Mr. Hogwash said, sitting down at the table. Then he turned to his wife. "Willamena, my love, shall we present our host with the gift?"

"I suppose," Mrs. Hogwash replied, a little hesitantly. "Now remember, Marshall, you promised."

"Yes, yes, my sweet, I know, I know," Mr. Hogwash said, handing the box to Cyril. "Little gift for you Sneer, from my company."

Cyril opened the box, and pulled out a bottle of red wine, Vin de Lavage de Porc.

"Vintage sixty-six," he said looking at the label. "Good year for wine."

"Uhh, what kind of business are you in, Mr. Hogwash?" Sophia said, eyeing the bottle of wine.

"The wine making business, my dear," Mr. Hogwash said. "I own a vineyard down in the Napa Valley, and another in France. I do so enjoy a good glass of wine, don't you, Mr. Sneer?"

"On occasion," Cyril admitted. "I like a little brandy with my cigars every now and again. It all just depends on what kind of mood I'm in."

"Good answer," Mr. Hogwash said. "I never do any business with anyone without wining and dining with them first. Now, uncork that baby, and pour it around!"

"Makes me wish I had gone with something to serve red wine with instead of the Chardonnay," Cyril commented.

"Ahhh, Chardonnay!" Mr. Hogwash sighed. "Let me level with you, Sneer, if it's made from fermented grape, I will drink it. Chardonnay with dinner sounds excellent. Now, I propose a before dinner drink. Uncork that puppy and let's have a toast!"

Cyril shrugged, and opened the wine. Then he called the Pigs in to start pouring it in the glasses. As Lloyd was pouring, he sniffed at it.

"Smells good," he said. "Can we have some?"

"Not while you're on the job," Cyril said. "And if I know the three of you, you'll get carried away! I can't have three drunk pigs working around here!"

Lloyd grumbled, and began pouring the wine in the glasses. Once he was through, he started to take it back to the kitchen, but Cyril caught him, and pulled the bottle away.

"And where do you think you're going with that?" he asked.

"Uhh, to put it in the liquor cabinet?" Floyd asked.

"Nice try," Cyril said. "Only I know where the key is, and none of you are getting your hands on it!"

"Oh fudge cake," Boyd groused, and he and his brothers went into the kitchen.

"Now then, I would like to propose a toast," Mr. Hogwash said, lifting his glass. "To Sneer Enterprises and the Hogwash Wine Corporation, may there be a long, and fruitful partnership, with large and fruitful profits!"

"I'll drink to that," Cyril said, raising his own glass. Mrs. Hogwash, Cedric, and Sophia did the same, and they all clinked glasses.

"Ahhh, now _there's_ a fine wine," Mr. Hogwash said, after swallowing the sip he took. "What do you think, my pet?"

"Yes, this is your best wine, my love," Mrs. Hogwash replied.

"Well, boys, what about you?" Mr. Hogwash asked Cedric and Cyril.

"Well, I'm not much on wine," Cedric said with a shrug. "But this was pretty good. What do you think, Pop?"

"Subtle," Cyril replied. "Very subtle. Not too heavy. This is some pretty impressive wine."

"That's good," Mr. Hogwash said. "It's my most expensive product! It had better be good! And you, Sophia, my dear, what do you think?"

"Oh . . . ." Sophia said, a bit nervously. "Well, Mr. Hogwash, I . . . . I really don't drink."

"You don't, eh?" Mr. Hogwash asked. "And why not?"

"I never really cared much for the taste," Sophia said, with a shrug. "It's kind of too strong for me."

"Nonsense, my dear! Nonsense!" Mr. Hogwash shouted. "You haven't lived until you've tried Hogwash Wine!"

"Marshall, my darling," Mrs. Hogwash said, putting her hand on her husband's shoulder. "If she doesn't drink, she doesn't drink. Besides, I think it's smart, Sophia, dear. There are some people who just can't seem to stop once they get started."

"Don't I know it," Sophia muttered under her breath. No one heard her.

Throughout the rest of dinner, Mr. Hogwash dominated the conversation, and he had about four glasses of wine. And he wasn't about to stop there.

"Mr. Sneer, don't you think he's had enough wine?" Sophia asked, after Mr. Hogwash's fifth glass.

"Nah," Cyril said. "If he wants to get drunk, let him. I have an easier time getting them to sign the contracts when they're plastered."

Sophia sighed. She had a feeling this was going to be a long night. As dinner wore on, all Mr. Hogwash seemed to do was drink. Sophia noticed, and she began to shift uncomfortably. Cyril took a glance at her, and gave her a look.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked.

"Oh, uhhh . . . ." Sophia said. "Just a little restless, I guess."

"You seem a bit tense, my dear," Mr. Hogwash said, slurring his words a bit. "Maybe you should have a drink. You'll feel better."

"Uhh, no thank you, Mr. Hogwash," Sophia said. "I think I've had enough."

"You haven't had any at all," Cyril pointed out.

"Well, I've certainly had enough of this dinner, that's for sure," Sophia mumbled, and she got a look at the clock. Thank goodness it was almost eight thirty. This gave her an excuse to get out of there.

"It's almost eight thirty," she said, standing up. She walked around the table, and took Evelyn out of her highchair. "I'd better put the children to bed. Come on, Forest. Time to get ready for bed, sweetie."

"Awwww, do I hafta?" Forest asked. "I wanna watch Mr. Hogwash get plastered, like Gampa said! I wanna see if it's the same thing when the Pigs had to plaster the wall after Gampa made the hole in it. He was talking to Mr. Hogwash's skaleckatary, and Mr. Hogwash wouldn't take the call, and Gampa threw the phone through the wall and said Mr. Hogwash wouldn't know how to run his business if he tried."

"Heh, heh, heh," Cyril laughed, somewhat nervously, and he patted his grandson on the head. "Isn't he cute."

"Come on, sweetie," Sophia said. "Let's go. Trust me, you do _not_ want to see someone get plastered!"

And with that, Sophia took the kids and went up the stairs. She had never been so relieved to leave the dinner table in her life.


	5. Down the Drain

Later that night, Cedric came up to bed. Sophia hadn't returned to the table after she had put the kids to bed. After she tucked them in, she went into the room she shared with Cedric and stayed there. When Cedric walked in, he found her sitting in front of the mirror, brushing her hair.

"Hi," he said, a little tiredly.

"How did it go after I left?" Sophia asked.

"Well, Pop was successful in getting the contract signed," Cedric said. "Mrs. Hogwash was the one who signed it. Mr. Hogwash was too smashed to even pick up a pen. He polished off the bottle of wine he brought, and had five glasses of Pop's Chardonnay, and then he got really silly. He started reciting tongue twisters and limericks, and then he finally passed out on the floor. Mrs. Hogwash was pretty embarrassed. She said her husband is a chronic drinker, one of those types she mentioned that can't stop once they get started."

"Hmmm."

And that was all Sophia said. She turned away from Cedric and continued to brush her hair.

The next morning, Cedric was over at the Standard. Bert was working on his "Ask Bert" column, and thinking about the dance.

"I'm really not looking forward to this dance, Cedric," he said.

"You know, I don't think Sophia is, either," Cedric said.

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, I brought it up, and Sophia didn't say much about it. And she's never really told me about her father. Do you think she might be hiding something?"

"Who knows, Cedric? Girls are weird."

Cedric just shrugged. Then he went back on the mansion. Cyril was on the phones as usually, buying, selling, and checking the stocks.

"Glad you got back, Cedric," he said. "Let's get to work."

"Right, Pop," Cedric said, a little absently. Then he turned to his father. "Hey, Pop?"

"What?"

"Have you noticed Sophia's been acting kind of weird lately?"

"Cedric, that girl's always been a bit weird, if you ask me."

"I'm serious, Pop. Ever since I told her about the Father-Daughter Dance, she's kind of been acting strange. You know, I've never even met her father."

"You've been over to her mother's house before . . . . twice, I think it was."

"Yeah, and both times, her father wasn't around."

"And neither were her sisters. He was probably out, Cedric."

"But she's never talked about him the way she talks about her mother or her sisters, Pop."

"I don't have an answer for that one, Cedric."

Cedric sighed, and went back to work. That night, Sophia was sitting at the mirror, brushing her hair. Cedric walked up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her.

"Can we talk?" he asked.

"About what?" Sophia asked, snuggling into Cedric's embrace.

"The dance on Saturday. I want to know if you're father is coming."

"No, he isn't."

"Did you talk to him?"

"I don't have to talk to him, Cedric. I know he's not coming."

"How do you know he's not coming if you haven't talked to him?"

"I just do, that's all."

"What kind of answer is that?"

"Cedric, let's just go to bed, okay?"

Sophia pushed Cedric's arms off her, and walked over to the bed. Cedric sighed, and followed. He took off his glasses, rested them on the night table, and turned toward Sophia.

"Let me just say one more thing," he said. "If you know he's not coming without you talking to him . . . . does that mean he's . . . . you know, like my mother?"

"Not that I know of," Sophia said, and right away, she wished she hadn't said that.

"Now what does _that_ mean?" Cedric asked, giving her a funny look.

"Goodnight, Cedric," Sophia said, giving her husband a quick goodnight kiss before she reached over and turned off the light. Cedric sighed.

"Goodnight, Sophia," he said, and turned off his own light.

At about one in the morning, Sophia woke up, feeling a little nervous. She couldn't get the image of Mr. Hogwash drinking practically half his body weight in alcohol at dinner the other night out of her head, and she couldn't get what Cyril had said to her the day before out of her head, either.

_Haven't you ever seen a man enjoy a glass of wine before?_

There was only one thing to do. Cyril didn't know it, but Sophia had seen where he was hiding the key to the liquor cabinet. She got out of bed, and quietly snuck downstairs to the kitchen. She grabbed the step stool, climbed up to the cabinet, reached up, took the tin, got the key, and unlocked the liquor cabinet. She pulled out the half empty bottle of Chardonnay, opened it, and poured it down the sink. She didn't stop there, though. She opened another bottle and poured the entire thing down the sink, and she kept right on going. She knew Cyril would have a fit when he found out about this, but she didn't care. She wanted to get rid of every single drop of alcohol in that house, but she couldn't do it in one night. She had emptied about half of the liquor cabinet before she grew sleepy, and she started to make her way back up the stairs, but she was too tired to climb them, so she went over to the living room couch, made herself, comfortable, and fell asleep there.

About eight in the morning, Cyril went into the kitchen, and stopped short. Cedric walked into him.

"What's the matter, Pop?" Cedric asked, then he saw the kitchen. There were empty wine bottles all over the place. Cedric counted them. There were fifteen bottles in total.

"Have you been in my liquor cabinet, Cedric?" Cyril asked.

"Pop, you know I don't know where you hide the key to it," Cedric replied. "Besides, if I drank that much wine, I don't think I'd be able to stand up."

"What about Sofa Girl?"

"Sophia doesn't drink, Pop. You know that. You saw her at dinner the other night. She wouldn't even touch your liquor cabinet with a ten foot pole."

"Well, I certainly didn't raid my cabinet in the middle of the night, and spend it binge drinking."

Cyril and Cedric thought it over, until Cyril realized who might have found the key to his liquor cabinet and had a booze party.

"Just wait until I get my hands on those Pigs!" he shouted. "I'll grind them into salad seasoning with my bare hands if I have to!"

"How can you be so sure it was the Pigs, Pop?" Cedric asked.

"Who else would it be?!"

Cyril stormed out of the kitchen, ready to cook some bacon. Cedric followed, but they stopped in the living room, and found Sophia sleeping on the couch. Both Cyril and Cedric stared at her, not quite sure what to make of this.

"I've heard of wives making their husbands sleep on the couch after a fight," Cyril said. "But never the other way around."

"Sophia, wake up," Cedric said, gently shaking her shoulder.

"What time is it?" Sophia asked, groggily.

"About eight in the morning," Cyril said. "The question is why are you sleeping on the couch?"

"Oh," Sophia said, sitting up. "Well, uhhh . . . ."

"Were you down here all night?"

Sophia sort of clammed up then. She didn't necessarily want to tell Cyril or Cedric what she had been doing, because then they'd want to know why she poured fifteen bottles worth of wine down the drain.

"Cedric, find the Pigs," Cyril said, suddenly. "Check and see if they're hungover."

"Sure, Pop," Cedric said, and he left. Sophia was about to go upstairs when Cyril grabbed her wrist.

"Just one minute, young lady," he said. "I think you owe me an explanation."

"Oh?" Sophia asked, trying to cover up her nervousness. It didn't work.

"Explain why Cedric and I found you sleeping on the couch."

"Well . . . ."

"Were you drinking last night?"

"Mr. Sneer, you know I don't drink."

"Then explain fifteen empty wine bottles in the kitchen, and you sleeping on the couch all night!"

Sophia managed to pull herself out of Cyril's grip, and she raced up the stairs as fast as she could. Cyril watched her go, thinking it was highly suspicious.

"Well, the Pigs are clean," Cedric said, coming back.

"You sure?" Cyril asked.

"Positive. Do you know what someone would be like if they had fifteen bottles of wine?"

"Hmmm. Good point. Now if you'll excuse me, Cedric . . . ."

"Where are you going, Pop?"

"To find another hiding place for the key to the liquor cabinet. Someone in this house knows where I've been keeping it, and I am going to make sure whoever it is stays out of the cabinet!"


	6. Caught In the Act

Later in the day, the Pigs were washing out the empty wine bottles when Sophia walked into the kitchen. She found the door to the liquor cabinet locked, and this time, it had a pad lock on it.

"Looks like Mr. Sneer isn't taking chances with someone breaking into the liquor cabinet again," she said.

"Darn right," Lloyd replied. "Boy, whoever did it was really stupid!"

"I'll say!" Floyd said. "He left the key to the cabinet in the door!"

"Right," Boyd replied. "Then, they didn't even bother to clean up the mess. Usually when we break into the boss's liquor cabinet for a quick drink, we _always_ clean up after ourselves."

"How in the world are you able to get in there without the key?" Sophia asked. "Do you even know where he hides it?"

"Oh, no," Boyd said. "But it's easy to get in there without it. A paper clip does wonders! I've seen it on _Pigyver_ a million times. He's my hero."

"Boyd!" Floyd shouted, covering his brother's mouth with his hand. "That's supposed to be a secret!"

"And you just spilled the beans to the biggest blabbermouth in the entire Evergreen Forest!" Lloyd shouted. "Loose lips sink ships, remember?!"

"But we're not on a ship," Boyd said, shrugging. Lloyd and Floyd glanced at each other, took a bar of soap, and shoved it into Boyd's mouth.

"Has Mr. Sneer pad locked his cabinet before?" Sophia asked.

"Nope," Floyd said. "He usually just locks it up, and hides the key."

"And now that sucker is double locked," Lloyd said. "Not only did the boss lock it like he usually locks it, he stuck the pad lock on it. And he's hiding both keys."

"Why are you so interested in his booze supply all of a sudden, anyway?" Floyd asked.

"Ptooey!" Boyd shouted, finally spitting the bar of soap out of his mouth. "Yeah, I thought you didn't drink."

"I don't," Sophia said. "I just saw the pad lock and I was curious. That's all."

"It'd probably be easy to break into the cabinet," Floyd said, piling some of the bottles into a bag for the recycling.

"Yeah, with a paperclip," Boyd said. "You can never go wrong with a paperclip. Pigyver never goes anywhere without a paperclip and duct tape!"

Sophia stared at the pad lock, and thought about what Boyd had said about Pigyver and a paperclip. She also knew Boyd had tapes of every single episode of _Pigyver_. She had a feeling one of them would have a scene where Pigyver uses a paperclip to open a pad lock.

"How does he do it?" she asked.

"Oh goody!" Boyd squealed happily. "Finally! I get to show off the tape I made of clips of Pigyver lock picking with his paperclip! Come with me!"

Boyd grabbed Sophia's hand, and practically dragged her down to the Pigs' quarters. Lloyd and Floyd just looked at each other, and shook their heads. Then they went back to sorting through the recycling.

For the next three hours, Sophia was studying Boyd's _Pigyver_ tapes, the complete collection of lock picking, all done with a paperclip, no less. Cyril wasn't too thrilled with this.

"You're supposed to be working, bacon brain!" he yelled, storming into the Pigs' quarters. "Now get up and start working!"

"Yes sir!" Boyd shouted, and he raced up the stairs.

"And just what are you doing?" Cyril asked Sophia.

"Nothing," Sophia said, turning off the TV. "Nothing at all."

"You know, you're acting very strange. You're not hiding something, are you?"

"No, of course not! I'm sure you've got plenty of work to do around here. I'll just stay out of your way."

And with that, Sophia raced out of there as fast as she could. Cyril went to his vault to get some work done.

Late that night, Sophia snuck downstairs into the kitchen again, armed with a hairpin and a screwdriver. She had spent the entire day looking for the keys to the pad lock and the liquor cabinet while Cyril had been working in the vault. She couldn't find them, and she didn't have the slightest idea where Cyril was keeping them. So she had to go with another alternative. She was just glad she spent most of the morning looking at Boyd's _Pigyver_ reruns.

Sophia crept over to Cyril's liquor cabinet, stuck the pin into the pad lock and fiddled around with it. Several moments later, the lock opened. Sophia then jammed the screwdriver into the door, and worked it back and forth until the door opened. She ended up breaking the lock on it, but she decided to cross that bridge when she came to it. She took a bottle of wine and began pouring it down the sink.

Sophia's escapade wasn't about to go unnoticed, unfortunately. As she was emptying out the bottle, the Pigs came upstairs into the kitchen to get a midnight snack. They were a little surprised when they found the kitchen light on.

"Looks like someone's beaten us to the leftover cheesecake," Boyd said.

"Shhh!" Lloyd hissed. "Look! The boss's liquor cabinet is open!"

The Pigs stayed right where they were in the hallway, peering in. They didn't have a good look at the kitchen that way, but they could clearly see the liquor cabinet.

"The boss is likely to give us a raise if we catch the booze burglar," Floyd said. "Boy, I can't wait to see who it is!"

Sophia had no idea she had an audience. She walked over to the cabinet again, and grabbed another bottle of wine. The Pigs gasped.

"I thought she said she didn't drink," Boyd said.

"Maybe she's sleepwalking," Floyd said. "Maybe she drinks when she sleeps."

"I don't know, she looks pretty wide awake to me," Lloyd said. "Maybe she just _says_ she doesn't drink to throw off suspicion. You saw all those empty bottles this morning. And she _was_ sleeping on the couch all night!"

"I know," Boyd said. "But she wasn't the least bit hungover. Can you imagine the size of the hangover after drinking fifteen full bottles of wine?"

The Pigs continued watching. Sophia returned to the liquor cabinet and grabbed a fourth bottle. Then she walked back towards the sink.

"We're gonna have to tell the boss," Lloyd said.

"Ooooohhhh, I don't know . . . ." Boyd said, nervously. "I mean, maybe she _isn't_ drinking. I mean, fifteen bottles of wine . . . . she'd be pretty hungover. What if we're wrong?"

"What if we're not?" Lloyd asked. "If she _is_ binging, she's likely to kill herself."

"Good point, Lloyd," Boyd said. "But . . . . let's wait until tomorrow, okay? You know how the boss gets when he wakes up in the middle of the night."

Lloyd and Floyd agreed, and the Pigs continued to stay at their post until Sophia stopped taking bottles from the cabinet.

The next morning, the Pigs approached Cyril in the kitchen. Cedric was inspecting the liquor cabinet.

"I don't know how they did it, but they definitely got in here," Cedric said. "Looks like someone jimmied the door open with a screwdriver or something."

"Now I'll have to pay to replace this lock," Cyril grumbled. "This is unbelievable! Just wait until I get this booze bandit!"

"Sir, we might know something about it," Lloyd said. "We were going to raid the refrigerator last night, and we . . . . we saw the booze bandit."

"Well, who is it?!" Cyril asked, impatiently.

"Well . . . ." Lloyd said. "Uhh, this isn't easy to say . . . ."

"It's Sophia, sir," Floyd said, blurting it out. "She took about ten bottles last night."

"Sophia?!" Cedric shouted. "That's not possible! Sophia doesn't drink!"

"But we saw her," Boyd said. "She was taking the bottles out of the cabinet, and we heard her open them."

"She must be able to tolerate an awful lot of that stuff without feeling the effects," Lloyd said. "What with ten bottles last night, and fifteen the night before."

"And that would explain why we found her on the couch yesterday morning," Cyril said, chewing on his cigar, thoughtfully. "She was probably too drunk to go back up the stairs."

"Pop, you're being ridiculous," Cedric said. "If Sophia _did_ drink that much wine, don't you think she'd be seriously hungover? Besides, did you guys _see_ her drink it?"

"Well . . . . no . . . ." Lloyd said.

"But what else could she have done with it?" Floyd asked.

Cedric didn't have an answer for that one. As he thought about it, Sophia came into the kitchen, carrying Evelyn. Forest was right behind her.

"Uh oh," he said, when he saw the liquor cabinet. "Someone broke Gampa's booze box."

"Forest, where on earth did you hear _that_?!" Cyril shouted.

"Uncle Bert," Forest said. "He took me over to Auntie Lisa's and her daddy was cooking with that stuff I'm not allowed to drink, and Uncle Bert asked if he got it out of his booze box."

"Cedric . . . ." Cyril said.

"I know, I know," Cedric said. "I'll talk to Bert about that, Pop."

"Did someone steal your drinks again, Gampa?" Forest asked.

"Yes," Cyril said, eyeing Sophia. "And I wonder who it was, too."

"Why are you looking at me like that, Mr. Sneer?" Sophia asked.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?" Cyril asked.

"No," Sophia said, turning away from Cyril. "Why would I? And why would I even go into your cabinet? I . . . . I don't drink, remember? And besides, if I drank ten bottles of wine in one night, don't you think I'd be really hungover?"

"And just how did you know ten bottles were taken?"

"Uhhh . . . ."

"You didn't happen to take them . . . . did you?"

"Pop, come on," Cedric said. "I think you're blowing this out of proportion. I know you wouldn't break into Pop's liquor cabinet and drink, Sophia. Would you?"

"Ummm . . . ." Sophia stammered nervously, and she began wringing her hands.

"Well?" Cyril asked. "Did you or didn't you take my wine?"

"Don't bother lying about it," Lloyd said. "We saw you!"

"I . . . . uhhh . . . ." Sophia said.

"Hey, come on," Cedric said. "That's enough! Look, Sophia, if you tell me you didn't break into Pop's liquor cabinet, then I'll believe you. I know you didn't take Pop's wine."

"Oh, Cedric!" Sophia shouted, and she ran from the room in tears.

Cedric stood there, way beyond confused. He decided to bring this up with Bert. He could use his best friend about now.


	7. Confrontation

Cedric went to the Raccoondominium almost immediately. Ralph answered the door when he knocked.

"Hi, Cedric," he said. "What brings you here?"

"Well, I've got a problem at home," Cedric said. "I figured I'd come over here and get some advice."

"Is it your dad, Cedric?" Bert asked. "He causes a lot of problems in that home! Ha, ha!"

"Bert!" Melissa scolded. "Come on in, Cedric."

Cedric walked inside and went to the living room. Melissa introduced him to her parents.

"Nice to meet you, Cedric," Chuck said, shaking Cedric's hand.

"Oh, Cedric, did Sophia tell you my parents know her parents?" Melissa asked.

"No, she didn't," Cedric said. "Maybe you could clear something up for me. Actually, it goes with my problem."

"Well, we'll be glad to help you in any way we can, Cedric," Roberta said.

"What's on your mind?" Ralph asked.

"Well, it's about Sophia," Cedric said. "We're not sure on this, but Pop and I are beginning to think she might have a drinking problem."

"Drinking problem?!" Bert shouted, incredulously. "Sophia?! A drinking problem?! That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard! I've never known Sophia to even drink one tiny drop of alcohol! Even at your wedding, Cedric, you guys only had non-alcoholic champagne!"

"I know, Bert, I know," Cedric said.

"I never pictured Sophie as a drinker," Chuck said. "Matter of fact, I didn't think anything about any of Nathan Tutu's girls being drinkers. I mean, Nathan drank at times."

"Really Dad?" Melissa asked.

"Oh yeah," Chuck nodded. "Before his first daughter was born, he used to come by our place and we'd watch sports, and down a couple of beers. We didn't see much of him after Sophie was born, and then right after Sophie was born, we moved."

"I still find it hard to believe," Bert said.

"Maybe you should talk to Sophia about it," Ralph suggested.

"I tried, but she didn't say a word about it," Cedric replied. "She's been acting weird since I told her about Lady Baden-Baden's Father-Daughter Dance. I actually asked her if her father . . . . well, you know, like my mother?"

"What did she say?" Melissa asked.

"Not that she knew of," Cedric said. "I asked her what she meant, but she wouldn't tell me."

"That's a bit odd," Roberta said.

"Not really," Chuck said with a shrug. "My best guess is that some time after we moved, Nathan and Loretta probably got divorced, and Sophie just doesn't like to bring it up. Nathan and Loretta would have these huge shouting matches all the time. Practically the whole neighborhood could hear them argue! My guess is Nathan moved out, and Sophie hasn't seen him since."

"But that doesn't explain the drinking," Cedric pointed out.

"Unless she uses alcohol to forget," Chuck said, shrugging again. "A lot of kids do that. They think they can solve their problems with drugs and alcohol."

"I'm with Bert," Melissa said. "I find it kind of farfetched. I can't see Sophia drinking."

"Are you _sure_ about this, Cedric?" Ralph asked.

"Not really," Cedric sighed. "I mean, I think she'd be considerably hungover after drinking twenty-five bottles of wine."

"Twenty-_five_?!" Ralph shouted.

"Hungover my tail!" Bert shouted. "She'd be dead if she drank _that_ much!"

Cedric sighed, and got up to leave. He knew about as much as he did when he arrived.

"Sorry we can't help you, Cedric," Ralph said. "I wish we could do more."

"That's okay, Ralph," Cedric said. "I guess I'll just have to figure it out myself."

Cedric returned to the mansion, and tried to get back to work, but he couldn't keep his mind on it. Apparently, neither could Cyril.

"I'm going to catch her in the act tonight," he said.

"What, Pop?" Cedric asked, looking at his father oddly.

"You heard me. I'm going to stake out the kitchen tonight, and see exactly what Sofa Girl does with my liquor supply."

"I don't know about this, Pop."

"You want to find out if she's got a drinking problem, don't you?"

"I guess, so, but . . . ."

"All right, then."

And that was all there was to that. At around two in the morning, Cyril staked out the kitchen. He waited in the dark hallway, so Sophia wouldn't see him. Sophia came down the stairs, went into the kitchen, and turned on the light. Cyril looked in, and watched as Sophia took a bottle of wine out of the cabinet, and walked over to the sink. Cyril couldn't see what she was doing in the angle he was in, but he didn't want to move closer yet, or else Sophia would definitely see him.

Sophia took another bottle, opened it, and walked over to the sink with it. She was about to pour it down the drain, when Cyril finally entered the room. He had enough of this.

"FREEZE!" he shouted, at the top of his voice. Sophia let out a shriek, and dropped the bottle. It smashed to the floor, breaking into pieces.

"And just what do you think you're doing?" Cyril asked.

"I . . . . uhhh . . . . I was . . . ." Sophia stammered nervously. "I know what this looks like, Mr. Sneer, but . . . ."

"So you _have_ been going through my liquor cabinet."

"Yes, but . . . ."

"I thought you didn't drink."

"I don't drink, I . . . ."

"Then how do you explain my alcohol supply disappearing?! Listen Sofa Girl, don't think I don't know what you've been up to! You've been coming down here in the middle of the night drinking, haven't you?!"

"No! I haven't!"

Cyril grabbed Sophia by the wrist, and gave her the sharpest look he could muster. Sophia was starting to get a little nervous.

"Don't you lie to me!" Cyril yelled. "I know all about it! You've been binge drinking, haven't you?"

"Mr. Sneer, please . . . ."

"Haven't you?!"

"No, I haven't! I really haven't!"

"Do you deny that you've been raiding my liquor cabinet?"

"No, I don't deny it. I've been going in there, but . . . . but not to drink, honest!"

Sophia pulled her wrist free, and Cyril stumbled backwards. He knocked an empty wine bottle off the counter, and it smashed to pieces once it hit the floor. Cyril didn't notice. He just cast a very sharp glare at his daughter-in-law. Sophia backed away from him.

"If you don't tell me the truth about this, then so help me . . . ." Cyril said, walking over to her. His hand was raised, like he was about to backhand her across the face.

Sophia was scared out of her wits. She let out a sob, and ran. She pushed past Cyril, and raced out the back door. Cyril ran into the hallway, flipped open a box on the wall, concealing a keypad, and pushed four numbers on it. An alarm sounded from all corners of the mansion, and all the outside gates locked, and search lights turned on. Not only that, but that alarm woke everyone in the house up. Cyril had realized that when he heard Evelyn screaming. Moments later, Cedric and Forest came downstairs with Evelyn (who was screaming her head off due to the rude awakening), and the Pigs came upstairs.

"Pop, it's the middle of the night!" Cedric shouted. "What are you _do_ing?!"

"Not now, Cedric," Cyril said, grabbing a flashlight. He dug out three more and threw them to the Pigs. Then he grabbed Snag's leash.

"Let's go, boys!" he shouted, attaching the leash to Snag's collar, and he headed for the back door. "Our little booze bandit couldn't have gotten far before I locked the gates!"

Cyril went out the back door, and the Pigs followed. Forest glanced up at Cedric.

"Is Gampa having one of his episodes, Daddy?" he asked.

"Looks like it," Cedric sighed. "Come on, Forest. You can help me get your sister back to sleep."

As Cedric and Forest went back upstairs, Cyril and the Pigs stormed the backyard, lighting their flashlights all over the place, while the bears searched with the large search lights. Snag was searching around as well, sniffing. There were several places Sophia could hide. It was going to take some time to search.

"Spread out!" Cyril demanded. "I want her found, and I want her found now!"

"What are you going to do when you find her, sir?" Lloyd asked.

"Y-y-you wouldn't hurt her, would you?" Boyd asked, nervously.

"You let me deal with that!" Cyril shouted. "JUST FIND HER!"

The Pigs gulped and raced off in separate directions of the yard. Lloyd went to scope out the gardens. Floyd searched around the pool. Boyd was looking around Cyril's hedge maze. He hated to go in there, but he figured Sophia was likely to be hiding in there.

"Now, let me see," Boyd said, looking around. "I think I'm supposed to go left first . . . . or maybe it's right first and then straight ahead."

As Boyd wandered aimlessly around the maze, Snag was sniffing around on the grounds. Cyril kept pointing his flashlight as he and Snag walked around.

"You've got to be around here somewhere, Sofa Girl!" he shouted. "You're just digging yourself in deeper! I don't know where you're hiding, but I'll find you!"

Snag sniffed around a little, and began barking. Cyril smiled, and let him off his leash. Snag took off like a shot.

"Go get her, Snag!" he shouted, and he ran off after his dog. Snag stopped by the tool shed and began digging. He unearthed a bone. Cyril slapped his hand over his eyes, and gave his dog a good punt, as if he were a football.

"Snag, you are an idiot!" he yelled. He pointed his flashlight around the area anyway. No sign of Sophia.

"She couldn't have possibly left before the gates locked," he grumbled. "It's too far from the house to the gates. Better call those Raccoons, anyway, just in case she _did_ manage to make it out before they locked. PIGS! KEEP LOOKING!"

"Yes sir!" the Pigs shouted, and they continued searching the yard.

As Cyril left the tool shed, the door opened slightly. Apparently, Snag was on to something when he led Cyril towards it. Sophia had been hiding in there, and she was afraid to come out. She peered outside, but ducked back in quickly as the bears turned one of the search lights towards the shed. She leaned against the wall, and began to cry. It was all coming back to her.

_Ten-year-old Sophia huddled inside the closet with her thirteen-year-old sister Myrna, and her five-year-old sister, Stephanie. They were hiding from their father, Nathan. He had been drinking again._

_"When I come home from work, I want dinner on the table, Loretta!" he yelled._

_"Nathan, please, don't shout," the girls' mother, Loretta, said. "The girls will hear you."_

_"Shut up!" Nathan yelled, giving Loretta a slap in the face. "Who cares if those stupid daughters of yours hear me?!"_

_"Nathan, they're your daughters, too!"_

_"I'd never be the father of three ugly, stupid girls! Especially not that idiotic little Sophie! If she had half a brain, she'd be dangerous!"_

_"Nathan, please, don't start this again."_

_"Don't dish out orders to me, woman!"_

_Nathan continued the yelling and the hitting. Myrna, Sophia, and Stephanie huddled closer together. They could hear the yelling, the hitting, and their mother crying and screaming all too clearly. Then, the yelling at the hitting stopped. Loretta was still crying. The girls cautiously came out of the closet, and tried to retreat to their bedrooms, but their father stormed up the stairs before they could get very far._

_"And just where do the three of you think you're going?" he asked. The girls didn't say a word. They just stared at their father._

_"Hey, I'm talking to you!" Nathan yelled, and he slapped Myrna across her face, knocking her glasses to the floor. Myrna retrieved them and ran off. Stephanie suddenly started crying. Nathan gave her a slap, which only made her cry harder._

_"You shut up and stop crying or else I'm gonna give you something to cry about!" he yelled. "You hear me?!"_

_"Yes, sir," Stephanie said, nervously. Then she raced to her room. Nathan grumbled, and looked at his middle daughter._

_"Well, what are you looking at?!" he shouted. Sophia didn't say anything. She began backing up._

_"You stupid girl," Nathan said. "You're pathetic! You're worthless! You're useless! You're nothing but trouble! You're a waste of space! You don't know anything! You can't do anything! Why couldn't you have been born a boy?! I wish you were never born! I don't even want to look at your ugly face! Get out of my sight!"_

_Nathan gave Sophia a hard slap in the face, and stormed back downstairs, and out the door, slamming it as he left. Sophia sat down against the wall, rested her head on her knees, and cried._

That was the one memory Sophia couldn't get out of her head. She sat there in Cyril's tool shed and cried. She didn't want to come out, that was for sure. But she knew she couldn't stay in there forever. She decided to stay in there until she stopped crying, and managed to pull herself together. And that was going to take awhile.


	8. The Secret's Out

Sophia eventually fell asleep in the tool shed. She didn't wake up until the next morning when the door opened, and the morning sunlight filled the shed.

"Hey, here she is!" she heard Lisa shout. "I found her, everybody!"

"Sophia!" Cedric shouted, as he and Bert ran over. "Sophia, are you okay?"

Sophia didn't say anything. She was a bit disoriented from spending the entire night on the floor of the tool shed.

"You had us pretty worried, there," Bert said.

"We've been looking for you all night," Lisa said, as she and Cedric helped Sophia to her feet. Somehow, Sophia believed that, considering Bert, Cedric, and Lisa were still in their night clothes.

"Yeah, Cyril called us at three in the morning," Bert said. "He said he caught you sneaking wine out of his booze box, and when he confronted you about it, you took off, and when Ralph told him you weren't with us, he asked us to come over and help look for you."

"Then he called our house," Lisa said. "Dad told him you weren't with us, and he asked us to come over to help look as well."

"What were you doing in there, anyway?" Cedric asked. "Hiding from Pop?"

Sophia didn't answer. By that time, the others had rushed over. Nicole had gone into the mansion when Lisa had announced she found Sophia, and came out with a blanket from the linen closet. She wrapped it around Sophia's shoulders, and began to guide her back to the mansion.

"Come on," she said. "Let's all go into zee house. I sink it would be best, Sophia, if you went straight upstairs to bed."

"All right," Sophia said. She was too tired to protest.

Once Sophia was settled, Cedric went downstairs and flopped on the couch. Forest came into the room and climbed onto his father's lap.

"Daddy, what's wrong with Mommy?" he asked, worriedly. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know, Forest," Cedric said with a sigh. He wrapped his arms around the four-year-old, and held him close, stroking his ears.

"Hey, Cedric?" Bert said, as he, the other Raccoons, and Cyril came into the room. "Uhh, we all thought it over, and . . . . as much as I hate to admit it, I think your dad might be right about Sophia's alleged drinking problem."

"I was afraid of that," Cedric sighed.

"Drinking problem?" Forest asked. "Does that mean Mommy's having trouble drinking?"

"Well, sort of," Ralph said. "I can't really explain it . . . . can someone help me out here?"

"It's kinda like this, little buddy," Bert said, sitting on the couch next to Cedric. "You know your mom and your dad and your grandpa have rules about the booze box, right?"

"Uh huh," Forest nodded. "Mommy, Daddy, and Gampa said I can't have anything to drink from the booze box because it's not good for me. They said I have to wait until I'm a grown up."

"Okay," Bert said. "Well, these drinks you're not allowed to have can be pretty bad for even grown ups."

"Why?"

"It makes them kinda crazy, you know?"

"No."

"This isn't going well."

"Let me save us an hour," George said, coming over. "Forest, listen carefully. Sometimes, grown ups do stupid things. One of those things is they drink too much alcohol. When they do that, they can't think straight, and they do silly things."

"Like sleep in the shed?" Forest asked.

"Apparently, so," George continued. "Anyway, when some people start to drink, they can't stop. They become addicted to it."

"What does addicted mean?"

"It means they think they need more alcohol to feel normal. Their bodies get used to the alcohol, and sometimes, they have to drink more just to feel normal. And they could really hurt themselves if they drink too much."

"Is Mommy drinking too much?"

"We're not sure, Forest," Cedric said. "She might be, and she might not be."

"And it's not easy to stop once you get started," Melissa said. "Addiction is kind of a sickness, and your mommy is going to need a lot of help."

"Is that why you're all here?" Forest asked.

"Zat's right, _mon petit_," Nicole replied.

"You go play with the Pigs," Cyril said. "I don't want you hanging around when we talk to your mother about this."

"Are you gonna yell at her, Gampa?" Forest asked.

"Probably."

"Are you gonna use bad words?"

"I might."

"Okay."

And with that, Forest left. He seemed satisfied with the explanation, which Cedric was grateful for. For some reason, he had a hard time explaining those tough topics to his son. He dreaded the day when Evelyn started asking these kinds of questions.

"So how are we going to handle this?" Ralph said.

"I don't think we should let Cyril do the talking," Bert commented. "Not after what happened last night!"

"Har, har," Cyril said, sarcastically.

"Well, I think should approach this carefully," Lisa said. "We should tell her we know what she's doing, and we only want to help her."

The others agreed on that. A few moments later, Sophia came down the stairs. She was a little surprised to see the Raccoons there.

"What are you still doing here?" she asked.

"We need to talk," Melissa said.

"About what?" Sophia asked.

"Look, Sophia, it isn't easy to say this," Ralph said. "But, well, we know you've been drinking and . . . ."

"Oh, Ralph! Not you, too!" Sophia shouted.

"It's kind of obvious you have a problem with alcohol, Sophia," Lisa said.

"Yes, I admit I do have a problem with alcohol," Sophia said. "But I have _not_ been drinking it! Why won't you believe me?"

"Because we know you're lying," Cyril said. "I caught you last night in my liquor cabinet. The night before that, the Pigs caught you stealing ten bottles of wine. The night before that, we found fifteen empty wine bottles in the kitchen, and you sleeping on the couch. Obviously you were passed out drunk!"

"I wasn't!" Sophia protested. "I really wasn't!"

"Don't bother denying it!" Cyril went on. "You've been caught red handed, and after last night's little escapade, it only proves it! You're an alcoholic!"

"I can't believe you just said that," Sophia said. "Oh Mr. Sneer, how could you be so . . . . so . . . . . ooohhhh!"

Sophia burst into tears, and began crying hysterically. She was about to race out of the room, but Melissa, Lisa, and Nicole stopped her before she could.

"Cyril, that was uncalled for!" Melissa shouted.

"Well, she's the one who . . . ." Cyril started to say. Then he realized that this was not going to get anyone anywhere. He sighed, and walked over to Sophia.

"All right, all right," he said. "Calm down. There's no need for hysterics."

Sophia didn't answer. She didn't even look at Cyril. All she did was cry uncontrollably. Cyril sighed, and led her to the couch, but Sophia didn't stop crying.

"Sophia, we're worried about you," Ralph said. "You're going overboard here."

"All this alcohol in your system, especially all at once, could mess up your liver, your kidneys, your life . . . ." Bert started.

Sophia suddenly jumped to her feet, and faced her friends. She looked ready to throttle someone.

"Don't tell me all of that!" Sophia shouted at them. "Don't you _dare_ tell me that! I already know what alcohol can do to a person! It makes you stop thinking! It makes you stop caring! It makes you forget! It makes you afraid."

Sophia sat back down, and began crying again.

"Sophia?" Cedric asked.

"It makes you afraid!" Sophia shouted again. "You can't do anything right, you can't say anything without setting him off, you can't _do_ anything without setting him off, you're afraid to talk, you're afraid to move . . . . you're afraid to do _any_thing when he's drunk!"

"What are you talking about?!" Cyril shouted, beginning to lose his patience. "When who's drunk?!""

"My . . . . my father," Sophia said.

Sophia sobbed again, and buried her face in her hands. The others just looked at each other, not knowing what to say.

"I think I get it," Lisa said, finally. She sat own next to Sophia. "Did your father get drunk a lot?"

"Yes," Sophia admitted. "Whenever he was drunk, he'd yell at my mother, and me and my sisters, usually for no good reason. He called us stupid girls a lot."

"How come?" Ralph asked.

"My father wanted a son," Sophia continued. "He didn't want daughters. After my younger sister was born, my father refused to believe we were his kids. He figured my mother had flings with various neighbors, because he said he'd never have any girls. All his kids had to be boys. My father would often yell at my mother, and he used to hit her. A lot."

"Did he ever hit you or your sisters?" Melissa asked.

"Yes," Sophia admitted. "We got a lot of verbal abuse from my father, as well. He told us that we were a waste of space, he wished we were never born, we were nothing but trouble, that sort of thing. He broke a lot of things when he was drunk. One night when I was ten, he left, and . . . . he never came back."

Sophia began crying all over again. The others looked at each other. Cyril finally took a deep breath, and stepped forward.

"If you weren't drinking my wine, what were you doing with it?" he asked, trying to keep calm. It wasn't easy.

"I poured it down the drain," Sophia admitted. "I knew you were a pretty mean guy on a normal basis, Mr. Sneer . . . . and I was just afraid what you would be like when drunk. I didn't even know you had a liquor cabinet. And when I found out . . . . I just got scared."

"This isn't just about Pop's liquor cabinet," Cedric said. "It's about Lady Baden-Baden's Father-Daughter Dance, too, isn't it?"

"Yes," Sophia nodded. "When I was in high school, they had a Father-Daughter Dance. Every single girl in my class was bragging about how great their fathers were. I just couldn't bring myself to tell them my father was an alcoholic."

Sophia sighed, and leaned back into the couch.

"I wanted to go to that dance back then," she said. "I really did. I wanted to tell all the other girls that my father was just as wonderful as theirs were. Then when Cedric mentioned the dance . . . . well, things just came flooding back. I mean . . . . I just didn't know what to do and . . . . and . . . ."

"It's okay, Sophia, just relax," Bert said, trying to get Sophia under control before she went hysterical again. "Just take a deep breath, and calm down."

Sophia took a deep breath, and exhaled slowly.

"Atta girl," Bert said. "Just breathe deeply. Calm down a little, it's gonna be okay."

"Sophia, we know it hurts," Ralph said. "But trying to hide these things . . . . that just makes it worse. Trying to forget won't make the pain go away forever. It's a cruel fact of life."

"I know," Sophia said. "But it's still hard."

"We know it is," Melissa said. "But we'll help you through this."

There was a moment of silence just then. Sophia could feel her eyes swelling up with tears again, but she tried to stop herself. Cyril noticed this and sighed.

"You know what?" he said. "Just go ahead and let it out."

Sophia let her tears fall. She buried her face in her hands, and sobbed. Cyril hesitantly put his arms around her, and let her cry on his shoulder. He wasn't sure why he suddenly did that, but somehow, he could tell this was what Sophia needed. She needed a father's shoulder to cry on. The others looked at Cyril as if he completely lost it.

"Pop?" Cedric asked.

"I've got it under control, Cedric," Cyril said. "She needs to let it out. She's been holding it in for who knows how long, and she has to get it out of her system. She'll be all right after a good, long cry."

"I can see we're not needed here," Melissa said. "We'd better get home and change. I can't spend the day running around the forest in my nightgown, and the dance is tonight. Sophia, any time you want to talk, you know where to find me."

"Me, too," Lisa said, patting Sophia's arm. "We'll be here for you."

"Yeah, you don't have to go through this alone," Bert said.

"Thanks, everyone," Sophia said, composing herself. She sat down on the couch, and began wiping her face with her hands. She was glad she finally let her feelings out, but she was still upset, and she probably was going to be feeling like this for a long time. Cyril could see this.

"Okay, Sofa Girl," he said. "Get back upstairs and get back into bed. Cedric, go with her, and make sure she does. She needs the rest."

"Right, Pop," Cedric said, and he pulled Sophia to her feet. Then the two of them started heading up the stairs.

Once they were gone, Cyril went into his office, and locked the door. He didn't want anyone (especially not pigs or raccoons) to barge in on him. He picked up the phone and dialed.

"Lady Baden-Baden?" he asked. "Cyril Sneer. Listen. About that dance of yours tonight . . . . . ."


	9. Surprises

Sophia spent the rest of the morning in the bedroom. She didn't feel up to coming out just yet.

"You think she's ever gonna come out of there?" Lloyd asked.

"Give her some time," Cyril said, reading through the newspaper.

"She's definitely not going to the dance tonight, that's for sure," Cedric said.

"So I take it you're not going, either?" Cyril asked.

"Well, I talked to Sophia. I told her after what happened this morning, I wasn't going to go, because I felt like I had to stay here with her, you know? But she told me if I wanted to go, I should go. So we're gonna go. Evelyn and I, I mean."

"What's Sofa Girl doing up there, anyway?"

"I don't know. She's probably asleep. You know she hasn't been getting much sleep in the past couple of days."

Cyril nodded and went back to his paper. Late in the afternoon, Sophia finally came out of the bedroom. She had gotten dressed and fixed her hair, so she looked presentable, to say the least. She walked downstairs towards the kitchen. She was starving. On her way, she passed Cyril's office, and heard him talking on the phone.

"So it's all set then?" he asked. "All right. Yes. Now, you're sure you can handle it? I know you've got the experience but . . . . okay. All right then. All right. I'll see you later. Goodbye."

Cyril hung up the phone, and left the office, running into Sophia on his way out.

"Well, finally got up, did you?" he asked. "It's three in the afternoon. What have you been doing all day in there?"

"A lot of sleeping and a lot of thinking," Sophia said, and she started towards the kitchen.

"You're not going to pour more of my liquor down the drain, are you?"

"No. I'm just going to look for something to eat. I'm hungry. Who were you talking to on the phone?"

"Uhhh . . . . a locksmith. I had to call one to fix the lock on the liquor cabinet. He's coming in Wednesday. Incidentally, what were you planning on doing tonight since Cedric's taking the baby to the dance?"

"Probably just stay here. Why?"

"Just wondering."

Cyril left, and Sophia watched him. She wasn't sure what to make of that. An hour later, she and Cedric found Cyril in the den with Evelyn. An old cha-cha was playing on the stereo and Cyril was doing a strange version of the dance.

"Pop, what are you doing?" Cedric asked.

"Just trying to figure out how the baby's going to dance," he said, handing his granddaughter to Cedric.

"Mr. Sneer, are you feeling all right?" Sophia asked.

"Fine, fine," Cyril said. "But the question is, are _you_ feeling all right."

"Me?" Sophia asked, a little confused. "Well, uhhh, I guess so . . . . why?"

"I was just a little concerned, what with that meltdown this morning. Now if you will excuse me, I have some loose business ends to tie up."

Cyril left the room. Cedric and Sophia glanced at each other.

"Cedric?" Sophia asked. "You know how I mentioned that whenever my father drank, he was a horrible monster?"

"Yeah?"

"And sometimes, when people drink too much, it changes their personalities?"

"Uh huh."

"Is this what your father's like when he's drunk?"

"You know, I don't know. I've never even seen Pop drunk."

"I think I might need to lie down. This has been a very . . . . . trying week."

"Yeah, and I'd say that's just putting it mildly."

Sophia nodded, and went upstairs for a little while. There were times when she just didn't understand Cyril.

At seven o' clock that night, Sophia was in Forest's room, reading him a story when Cedric came in, wearing a white shirt underneath a black jacket. He was carrying Evelyn, who was wearing a red dress with lace trim, white socks, and black patent leather shoes.

"Well, how do we look?" Cedric asked.

"You don't look like a monkey," Forest said.

"Forest, of course your daddy doesn't look like a monkey!" Sophia shouted. "Whatever gave you that idea?"

"Gampa called it a monkey suit," Forest said.

"Oh Forest!" Sophia shouted, laughing. "Well, anyway, Cedric, I think you look very handsome. And look at you, Evelyn, you look so pretty tonight! Forest, isn't your sister pretty?"

"If I say yes, can I stay up tonight?" Forest asked. Cedric and Sophia glanced at each other and sighed.

"Yes," they said in unison.

"Then she looks pretty," Forest said. "And so do you, Daddy."

"Uhh, thanks Forest," Cedric said. "I think. Anyway, we'll be back pretty late."

"You've got everything in the baby bag, don't you?" Sophia asked, handing Cedric the baby bag.

"I packed it myself," Cedric said. "See you tomorrow, Forest. Goodnight."

"Night, Daddy," Forest said, hugging Cedric. Then he went downstairs to watch TV.

Cedric and Sophia kissed each other goodbye and Cedric left with the baby. Sophia went downstairs to set up a video tape for Forest. As she was doing that, she saw Cyril coming down the hall, and to her surprise, he was wearing a tuxedo similar to Cedric's.

"Did Cedric just leave?" he asked.

"Yes," Sophia said, just staring at him. "Uhh, you're pretty dressed up there, Mr. Sneer. What's the occasion?"

"I'm going out," Cyril said.

Before Sophia could ask about that, the doorbell rang. She went to answer it, and standing on the front steps were Nicole and Bentley.

"Nicole, Bentley, what are you doing here?" Sophia asked, a little surprised.

"Baby-sitting," Bentley said, sounding a bit irritated at the idea.

"Baby-sitting?" Sophia asked, way beyond confused.

"_Oui,_" Nicole said, nodding. "Mr. Sneer called me zis afternoon, and asked if I would be available to watch Forest tonight. He said somesing about not letting zee Pigs baby-sit again."

"Wait a minute," Sophia said. "I'm confused here."

"So what else is new?" Cyril mumbled. Then he cleared his throat. "Oh, that's right, I forgot to tell you. I've decided to take you to that dance of Lady Baden-Baden's tonight."

"_You_ are?!" Sophia shouted, incredulously.

"Yeah, I kind of figured what the heck?" Cyril said with a shrug. "Anyway, you'd better hurry up and pull yourself together or we're going to be late."

"Oh Mr. Sneer!" Sophia shouted, throwing her arms around Cyril.

"All right, all right, that's enough of that," Cyril said. "Go on, Cinderella, speed it up! If we're not there by midnight, my car turns into a pumpkin."

Sophia raced up the stairs as fast as she could. In the meantime, Cyril led Nicole and Bentley into the playroom where Forest was coloring in a coloring book.

"Hi, Gampa," he said, looking up. "Did you ask Mommy to the dance yet?"

"He sure did," Nicole said. "She's upstairs getting ready."

"You might be in for a long wait, Mr. Sneer," Bentley commented, rummaging through Forest's toy box to see if he had anything that interested him. "Lisa took forever putting herself together for this thing. And she looked uglier than she did before!"

"Bentley . . . ." Nicole said in a warning tone.

"Awww, come on, Mom!" Bentley shouted. "I'm allowed to make fun of my sister! It's my job!"

"Yeah, sisters are gross," Forest said. "I just said Evelyn looked pretty 'cause Mommy and Daddy let me stay up tonight if I did."

"Forest," Cyril warned. Forest just shrugged and went back to his coloring book.

Five minutes later, Sophia came into the room, wearing a floor length red dress. It was the same dress she wore to Lady Baden-Baden's bachelor auction awhile back. She was carrying a pair of red pumps in her hands.

"Sorry I took so long," she said, putting on her shoes. "I had to search the closet for this dress. Do I look okay?"

"_Tres jolie_, Sophia," Nicole said. "Don't you sink so, Bentley?"

"Yeah, you clean up pretty good, Sophia," Bentley said.

"Wow, Mommy, you look just like Cinderella," Forest said.

"Well, let's get this show on the road," Cyril said. He and Sophia then left the mansion, and headed for Knox and Lady Baden-Baden's place, where the dance was being held.


	10. Dance With My Father In Law

At Lady Baden-Baden's mansion, the dance was in full swing. Ralph and Bert were sitting on the sidelines at the moment, jotting down notes, and taking photos.

"Hey, Ralph," Bert said. "Does George know how to dance?"

"Why do you ask?" Ralph said.

"Ouch!" both Bert and Ralph heard Lisa shout from the dance floor. Apparently, George had stepped on her foot.

"Just curious," Bert replied. The music stopped, and everyone applauded. Then a couple of patrons cleared the floor, while others started dancing again. George and Lisa walked over to Ralph and Bert. Well, George walked. Lisa limped.

"Honey, I said I was sorry," George said.

"I know, I know," Lisa said, sitting in a chair. She took off her shoe and began massaging her foot. "But for the last time, Dad, it's one, two, three, four. Not one, two, four, three!"

"Having some problems there, big brother?" Ralph teased.

"Very funny," George said.

"Hi, guys," Cedric said, as he, Melissa, and Chuck came over.

"Hiya, Cedric," Bert said, and he took Evelyn from him for a minute. "And this simply _can't _be our Evelyn! Oh no, our Evelyn's just a baby! This here is a very grown up young lady!"

Evelyn squealed happily and pulled on one of Bert's ears. Bert didn't mind this. Too much. But he didn't say a word. He liked being "Uncle Bert" to Cedric's kids.

"So how's Sophia?" Ralph asked.

"Well, she's okay," Cedric said. "She was feeling a lot better by the time we left for the dance. I think Pop was right. She just needed a good cry."

"And she needed to talk about it," Lisa said. "I don't know how long she had kept that to herself, but something's telling me it was too long."

"I'm just sorry she couldn't come to the dance," Melissa said.

"If she did, she wouldn't have anyone to dance with," Bert pointed out.

"Oh, yoo hoo!" Lady Baden-Baden called out. She and Mr. Knox approached the group with a pre-teen chicken.

"Oh hello, everyone," Lady Baden-Baden said. "Isn't this a simply wonderful party?"

"Oh yeah, wonderful," Bert said (lying through his teeth of course).

"Oh, may I introduce my niece, Shelby," Lady Baden-Baden said. "Shelby, darling, these are Ralph, Melissa, and Bert Raccoon, and their friends."

"Hello," Shelby said, with a curtsy. "It's a pleasure to meet all of you."

"Nice to meet you, Shelby," Melissa said. "While we're on the subject of introductions, Lady Baden-Baden, and Mr. Knox, may I proudly present to you, my father, Mr. Charles J. Ringtail."

"Friends call me Chuck," Melissa's father replied. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lady Baden-Baden."

"Oooh, charmed, I'm sure," Lady Baden-Baden said. Then she turned to Cedric. "Oooh, Cedric, how delightful! You brought dear little Evelyn! Oh, she is simply an adorable child, she really is!"

"Thanks, Lady Baden-Baden," Cedric said.

"Seems you're missin' someone in your group, though," Mr. Knox commented. "Tell me, Cedric, where's your wife, and her father?"

"Well, her father couldn't make it," Cedric said. This wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't necessarily the truth, either. But he didn't want to tell the whole truth.

"And she would have felt pretty out of place if she came without him," Ralph said. "Having no one to dance with, I mean."

"Nonsense, sir," Mr. Knox said. "I'd have been happy to share a dance with her. Speaking of which, Cedric, might I have the honor of a short dance with your charming daughter?"

"Only if she agrees," Bert teased.

"Now what do you mean by that, sir?" Mr. Knox asked, glaring at Bert.

"Let me explain, Mr. Knox," Cedric said. "See, Evelyn's sort of . . . ."

Mr. Knox wasn't listening. He took Evelyn from Bert, and immediately, Evelyn began wailing like like a siren. "The Five Alarmer" as Bert nicknamed it, mostly because it was the loudest Evelyn shrieked. Almost everyone around covered their ears at the sound of Evelyn's screaming.

"I tried to tell you, Mr. Knox," Cedric said. "Evelyn is very picky about who holds her."

"How do you get her to stop?" Shelby asked.

"I'll take her," Melissa said, taking Evelyn from Mr. Knox. Then she began rocking her. "It's okay, sweetheart. It's all right. Look, here's Daddy. That's right, you'll stop crying as soon as Daddy holds you."

Melissa handed off Evelyn to Cedric, and almost immediately, Evelyn's wails died down. Cedric rocked her a little and turned to Mr. Knox, a bit sheepishly.

"Don't take it personally, Mr. Knox," he said. "She does this with almost everyone she doesn't know well."

"That's true," Lisa said. "When Bentley first held her, she pitched a fit. Heck, I would to, if I had to be held by Bentley!"

"Lisa . . . ." George warned.

"What? It's my job to put down my brother!" Lisa argued.

Before anything else could happen, the band started playing again, and Cedric took Evelyn onto the dance floor. Mr. Knox simply left the group. Lady Baden-Baden and Shelby followed. The others just started laughing.

"I gotta tell you guys something," Bert said. "Evelyn's one smart baby!"

"I'll say," Ralph said. "Well, might as well get out on the dance floor myself. Lisa, would you care to dance?"

"As long as you promise to keep your feet off mine, Uncle Ralph," Lisa said, and she and Ralph walked out onto the dance floor.

Bert, George, Melissa, and Chuck laughed, then sat down to take a break.

"Hey, is that Dr. Canard over there?" Bert asked.

"Yeah, that must be his daughter," Melissa said. "She must've flown in from California for this. Hey, look over there, it's Mr. Willow."

"I didn't even know Mr. Willow was married," Bert said, looking at the young girl he was dancing with. She couldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen.

"I think he said something about his niece coming in for this dance," Melissa said. "I was at the store earlier in the week and I told him about the dance."

Bert nodded, and he and Melissa began pointing out everyone they knew until the band stopped, and Ralph, Lisa, and Cedric returned.

"Can someone take Evelyn for a minute?" Cedric asked. "My arms are gonna fall off."

"I'll take her," Bert said, taking the baby aardvark from Cedric. Evelyn squealed happily, and began pulling on Bert's ear.

"Right out to the dance floor," Ralph said, giving Bert a push forward.

"Hey, wait a minute!" he shouted.

"Come on, Bert!" Melissa said. "Take part in an Uncle-Niece dance!"

"She isn't my niece!" Bert protested.

"I think you look sweet, Bert," Lisa said. "I think a man who is willing to dance with a baby, whether it be his own baby, or his best friend's baby, is a very admirable quality."

"Well, since you put it that way . . . ." Bert said, and he began swaying to the music with Evelyn. Evelyn laughed and continued tugging on Bert's ears.

"Forest and Evelyn are some pair," Ralph commented with a laugh. "When Forest was a baby, he kept pulling on Cyril's nose. Now here's Evelyn, pulling on Bert's ears!"

The others laughed. After a couple more songs, Bert came back to the group and gave Evelyn to Ralph.

"Your turn to dance with your _other_ niece, Uncle Ralph!" he shouted.

"Very funny, Bert," Ralph said, but he took Evelyn out on the dance floor anyway.

"Incidentally, George," Chuck asked. "My I have the honor of a dance with your daughter?"

"Only if I have the honor of a dance with yours," George replied.

"Dad, that is _so_ corny!" Lisa groaned. Then she turned to Chuck. "You won't step on my feet, will you?"

"I'll do my best," Chuck said. He and Lisa were about to go out onto the floor when Lisa turned to Melissa.

"Watch out, Aunt Melissa," she warned. "Dad's feet should be registered weapons."

"Yeah, I seem to remember Ralph saying something about Nicole losing two toes on your wedding day during your first dance, George," Melissa teased.

"Very funny," George groaned, and he and Melissa went out to the dance floor.

At that moment, Cyril and Sophia arrived at Lady Baden-Baden's and walked toward the ballroom. Cyril was slightly nervous about this. He had already arranged this with Lady Baden-Baden, but he was still a little nervous over what people (especially Knox) were going to think. Once Cyril and Sophia reached the ballroom, they went right to the dance floor. Since it was pretty crowded in there, they hoped no one would notice.

"It's been awhile since I've been to a dance," Cyril admitted.

"You'll do fine, Mr. Sneer," Sophia said.

And with that, Cyril and Sophia began to dance. To Sophia's surprise, Cyril was pretty good. As they were dancing, Bert was taking photos, when he happened to see them. He nearly dropped the camera.

"Hey, Cedric," he said, tapping his best friend's shoulders. "Don't look now, but isn't that your dad?"

"What?" Cedric asked, turning around. He took off his glasses for a moment, and then put them back on. "Yeah, that's Pop, all right! And Sophia!"

"What are they doing here?"

"I'll ask when the band takes a break."

The band took a break, and Chuck, Lisa, George, Melissa, and Ralph regrouped with Bert and Cedric.

"Hey gang, guess who's here," Bert said, then he pointed over towards the other side of the room where Cyril and Sophia were heading.

"Cyril?!" Ralph shouted, like he couldn't believe it. "Cyril Sneer?!"

"Yeah, and Sophia," Cedric replied.

"What are they doing here?" Lisa asked. "Cedric, I thought your father said he was glad to be getting out of this society event."

"He was," Cedric said.

"Only one way to find out," Melissa said. "Come on, everyone."

The group got up and walked over to Cyril and Sophia. Cyril saw them, and began to sweat. He had hoped to avoid any confrontation tonight.

"Hiya, Cyril," Bert said. "What brings you down to Lady Baden-Baden's Father-Daughter Dance?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Cyril said. Sophia was about to say something, but Cyril stopped her. "Not one word out of you, Sofa Girl!"

"So you're not going to tell us what you're doing here, Pop?" Cedric asked.

"Well, we were sort of all dressed up with no place to go," Cyril shrugged. "So we figured we'd swing by here."

"Oh yeah, I buy that," Bert said, sarcastically. Melissa looked at Cyril thoughtfully, and then whispered something to Chuck. Chuck nodded. The band started playing again.

"Well, as long as you're here, Sophie, how about a dance?" Chuck asked.

"Well, okay," Sophia said. "That is if you don't mind, Melissa."

"Not at all," Melissa said. "Matter of fact, I'd like to have a dance with your . . . . erm . . . _date_, as the case may be, Sophia."

"What?!" Cyril shouted. "Me?! Dance with a raccoon?! Are you out of your mind?!"

"Would you rather trip the light fantastique with Lady Baden-Baden?" Bert suggested.

Cyril looked over at Lady Baden-Baden, who happened to catch his eye, and she waved at him and giggled. Cyril nervously laughed, and waved back. Then he turned to Melissa.

"Let's get this over with," he said, as he followed her out onto the dance floor.

"I'm gonna level with you, Cyril," Melissa said, as she and Cyril danced. "This was the only way I'd get you to talk to me about this. Why are you here?"

"I told already," Cyril said.

"Yeah, and I don't believe it. Come on, Cyril, we all know why you're here. It's pretty obvious. And I think what you're doing for Sophia is very sweet."

"Yeah, well . . . . it's better than having her mope around and pour my liquor down the drain night after night after night. Just don't tell anyone."

"I won't, but I think most everybody who was at the mansion this morning knows anyway."

"Well . . . . just don't let it get to Knox or Mammoth! It'll ruin my reputation!"

"You got it."

The song ended, and Cyril beat a hasty retreat off the dance floor for a few minutes. After a brief intermission, he and Sophia went back out on the dance floor. Cyril also had a couple of Grandfather-Granddaughter dances with Evelyn, but most of the time he spent on the dance floor was with Sophia, which surprised everyone a little, except Cedric, but he was going to keep his mouth shut. The night wore on, and the lead singer of the band stepped up to the microphone.

"Okay, dads and daughters," he said. "And otherwise, as the case may be. This is the last dance of the evening. Let's make it memorable."

The music started, and everyone (save Ralph, Bert, and Lady Baden-Baden) went out to the dance floor. Lisa was thankful it was a slow dance. All she and George did was sway, which meant George wouldn't step on her feet. Evelyn had fallen asleep some time ago, and was snuggling into Cedric's shoulder as he swayed back and forth with her. Chuck and Melissa were also swaying back and forth, but occasionally, Chuck took her hand, and twirled her. Cyril and Sophia were also doing their share of swaying to the music.

"I don't think I'll ever forget this, Mr. Sneer," Sophia said.

"Me neither," Cyril admitted. "No matter how hard I try."

"I'm sorry I poured your wine down the drain. I just didn't know what else to do."

"Yeah, well . . . . at least it'll keep those Pigs out of my booze. I don't know why, but I have a feeling they sneak my booze out of that cabinet every now and again. I know one of them is addicted to _Pigyver_, so they can get into the darn cabinet when it's locked."

Sophia giggled. Towards the end of the song, she rested her head against Cyril's shoulder for a moment. Cyril was a little taken aback, but he didn't say anything. Right before the music stopped, Sophia leaned over, and gave Cyril a light kiss on his cheek.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"Everything," Sophia said.

Everyone applauded the band, and then started to leave. Cedric took Evelyn and left with Cyril and Sophia in the limo, and Bert was going to take Cedric's car back to the mansion. On the ride back, Cyril took his granddaughter from Cedric, while Sophia leaned against Cedric's shoulder.

"What a night, huh, Pop?" Cedric asked, as he put his arm around Sophia's shoulders.

"I'll say," Cyril replied. "Looks like we wore the girls out."

"That was really nice of you to take Sophia to the dance, Pop."

"Well, she cost me a fortune in wine this week. I had to do _some_thing to keep her out of my liquor cabinet!"

The limo pulled up to the mansion, and Cyril, Cedric, and Sophia went inside. Cedric had to wake up Sophia before she got out of the car, though. Evelyn was still sleeping soundly, snuggling against Cyril's shoulder. Once they returned home, Nicole and Bentley (who was half asleep himself) left. The Pigs were in the kitchen, pigging out.

"So how was the dance?" Lloyd asked.

"A lot of fun," Cedric said. Then he yawned, and stretched. "I'd say it's time for bed."

"Good idea," Cyril said. Sophia reached out to take Evelyn from him, but Cyril stopped her.

"No, I've got her," he said. "You two get to bed. I'll take care of the baby."

"All right," Sophia said, and she planted a light kiss on Evelyn's cheek. "Night-night, sweetie. Goodnight, Mr. Sneer."

"Night, Pop," Cedric said. "Night, Evelyn. Night, guys."

"Night," the Pigs said, and Cedric and Sophia left the room.

Cyril took Evelyn upstairs, got her ready for bed, and put her in her crib. Cyril patted her head, and then left the room. He checked in on Forest, who was sleeping soundly, hugging his favorite stuffed aardvark, Harvey. Then Cyril walked down the hall to Cedric and Sophia's room. Both of them were asleep already. Cedric had his arm around Sophia, and Sophia was snuggling against him. Then Cyril went to bed himself. It had been a long night.

Meanwhile, the Pigs decided to hit the hay as well. Lloyd crawled into bed, yawned, and stretched.

"Boy, this has been some week, huh?" he asked.

"You said it, Lloyd," Floyd said.

"You know, I just can't help feeling we've forgotten something! But for the life of me, I can't think about what it is."

"Yeah, you're right. Oh well. I'm sure it'll come to us. Eventually. Goodnight, Lloyd."

"Goodnight, Floyd."

"Goodnight, Boyd," both Lloyd and Floyd said in unison. Then they turned off the light.

Boyd didn't answer his brothers. This was because he didn't even hear them. He was still out in Cyril's hedge maze, trying to find his way out.

"Now, I thought for sure it was two lefts and a right," he said. "Or maybe it was two rights and a left. Or two wrongs and then make a right, or . . . . a left turn and then a right turn, or was it keep straight and then go south when you reach the corner . . . . ."

The End


End file.
